This blog will not be an easy one for me. I have taken care of my mother in law for the last 14 years, ever since her husband died from non-small cell lung cancer. Now, she has been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and has opted to fore-go the traditional treatments of chemotherapy and radiation.
Firstly, I accept her decision, as she is sound of mind at this point, and having watched her husband die after months of traditional treatments, she is fully aware of the effects of these treatments. She watched her husband go through the nausea, the steady deterioration of his mind and body, and she wishes not to prolong her life with these inevitable ends.
I have decided to chronicle her end of life journey with both the good and the bad, in the hopes that those faced with a similar decision might be better informed when making their choice to seek treatment, or not to seek treatment. There is plenty of information out there considering the options of doing the treatments, but I found very little information concerning those persons who refused these traditional treatments.
I will date each entry and do my best to document this process for you, and for myself. Perhaps someone may benefit from this first-hand journal. I will refer to Garnet as "Mom" going forward.
Thank you.
John Booth July 26, 2014
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June 20, 2014 - The Diagnosis and current state of health
Mom, female age 75, began losing her ability to walk roughly one month ago, complaining of weakness and pain in both her legs and feet. For two weeks she was able to move around painfully in her walker with minimal assistance. However, she suffered a number of falls and my wife and I began assisting with every effort. After the initial two weeks she was completely unable to use the walker and I procured a wheelchair. Every couple hours over the next two weeks, day and night, she required careful transfer from her bed and/or chair to get into the wheelchair. My wife and I would roll her to the bathroom door and assist her onto the toilet. It had become impossible for her to sleep in her bed because of leg and foot pain, so she started sleeping in a recliner in the front room.
July 20th, 2014 Testing
Mom underwent several MRIs, CAT Scans, Xrays, and a spinal tap to determine the cause of her pain and weakness. Her doctor suspected cancer, although he did not know the type, because it appeared that there were lesions on her spine (at T12) suggesting metastasized cancer. She was immediately admitted into the hospital for further testing.
July 24th, 2014
We were informed by a team of oncologists that indeed, Mom had a cancerous mass on one of her lungs. She was told that without treatment she could expect to live 1-3 months only. She was informed that with treatments she might live for up to 12 months.
July 25th, 2014
Mom consulted with us (the family) about her desire to not seek treatment. Those present accepted her decision as well as could be expected. She had pulled me aside a day earlier to confide in me and to ask my opinion. I didn't want to steer her either way, so I mainly just listened as she gave her reasons. In the end she had firmly decided not to seek treatment. My wife, more-so than anyone else, met with doctors and counselors from several departments of the hospital to gather as much information as we could get. However, the very best prognosis of her future was simply that she would get sicker and weaker as the days passed until she died. Not much of an explanation, but then, this is why I am chronicling this for you.
July 26th, 2014
We brought Mom home in gown and catheter. We are doing what we can to provide comfort and personal interaction in the hopes of making her final weeks better for her. My wife is jumbling a dozen or so prescriptions for medicines she must take while I am mostly just muscle and companionship. This is where we are at this very moment.Her pain is being controlled pretty well at this time and it is inspiring to see her try to be upbeat about the time she has left.
July 27th, 2014 - 6:30 am
Today was a rough start for us all. Mom had slept most of the night with the aid of pain meds, but awoke with a severe bout of diarrhea. My wife and I scurried around, pretty much in a panic, to help her into the wheelchair and get her to her bathroom. Mom insisted that Sherry (my wife) assist her in the bathroom, likely a last ditch effort for modesty which I do not expect will last a great deal longer. Sherry cleaned her up with soap and water, but it was quite unpleasant for her. She did, however, remain as upbeat as possible, as not to cause unnecessary embarrassment to Mom. Afterwards we got her back to the front room recliner. Getting used to moving mom around with the catheter/urine bag is a challenge, but we'll learn.
Side Note
Garnet, (Mom) is a gentle woman that raised seven children pretty much on her own. Her husband and she lived through the era of the total gender separational roles of the 1950's and although Dad provided well for his brood of children, Mom did the bulk of raising them on the dad-to-day, year-to-year, basis. Mom is the very definition of a 50's American female. Always honoring her husband and caring for her family, even at the exclusion of her own needs. It is difficult for her to find herself in this reversal of roles. Sherry, (my wife) has had to take on the role of mother and supreme authority over all things concerning care-giving, financial, and everything else. The strain is already beginning to show for Sherry and I have done what I can to educate myself in such a way as to ease her burden. To that end, Sherry has agreed to allow me to visit our family funeral home and make preliminary arrangements for Mom's final services. I hope to find many more areas that I may assist her in, as the strain on Sherry is great, although just beginning. It will be a lot worse in the days and weeks to come.
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